Sadly, after almost twenty-seven years of marriage, it ended; it was painful--the untethering of years of shared experiences and intimacy. I'm now in my mid-40s, so I've literally been married almost my entire life-since my teenaged, shotgun wedding.
After my divorce this perfect guy fell out of the sky, and he taught me that I could love again, that life would go on, but sadly, we wanted different things, so here I am. I consider him a friend and I'm thankful for him in many ways.
My kids suggested online dating after Mr. Wonderful and I broke up, and since where I work isn't conducive to meeting people, and I'm not someone who wants to bar-hop, I said, "Okay." And, DANG. I've learned a lot.
My non-negotiable list for online dating going forward:
- A prospect's profile picture must include his eyes (no mirrored sunglasses), and I have to see his hair/lack of hair (no all-hat pictures). If the first picture is sunglasses and hat, and I'm on a dating platform that only let's me see one picture before I have to make a decision, I'm "swiping left." The eyes are a window to the soul, and I'm just curious...do you have hair or not?
- If ANY of his pictures include a shirtless "selfie," I'm out, no matter how chiseled or attractive he may be in other pics. He can bow up in the gym with a shirt on...that's fine, but no half-dressed selfies, please.
- I WILL reverse search his photo via Google. If the picture isn't him or is suspect, he is gonna be blocked. (Catfishing is wrong unless its in an actual pond.)
- If he asks me a question that makes me uncomfortable or is creepy, he is going to be blocked. (If I have to go to Urban Dictionary to figure out what you're asking, I'm probably not your person.)
- If I'm honest about my character or beliefs and he says, "I bet I can change your mind," swiping left unless it is about something trivial.
- If I think, "He's super cute if I could change just this one thing," I'm gonna pass. Maybe he needs new glasses, or his Jimmy Neutron haircut is a bit too metro for me. That's okay, but it's not my place to like someone if only he would fix X or Y or Z about himself. (I wouldn't want someone to do that to me, so I won't do that to him.)
- Lastly, if I know him in the "real world" (professionally, personally, or casually), online dating isn't something we are gonna do. Talk to me face to face.