Sunday, February 10, 2019

Some Reasons Not To Swipe Right (Or Brutally Honest Reasons You Should Swipe Left)

I keep reading all of these dating bios about people who are seemingly perfect.  

I haven't ventured on the ladies' side to do proper recon, but I do know that I must be brutally honest or at least not have the same profile as a lot of women, because behind "great smile" (my number one compliment) from people who take the time to message me, the next one I get is "I loved reading your bio."

Well, I'm pretty transparent in my life.  I am what many consider to be an "over publisher" on Facebook, but I don't care.  I've been careful to not share too much in the cyber dating world because there are some crazy people out there, but when is too much too much?  When is not enough not enough?  

I have friends who are really private, and family members and other people I care about who are really private, and I respect their experiences with me.  

I don't get many "MOM!  Why did you post that?" messages from my kids anymore, so I'm either better with discretion, they've accepted they can't change me, or they are too hip to actually read what I post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat.  😂

But Dating World, this is the list that I want people to read--a list that in the normal dating world would be disclosed over time.


  • I fall in love easily.
  • I don't really like talking on the phone
  • I am not a great cook, and I measure everything "just so" when I do cook.  I can burn packaged tortillas with ease and set off a smoke detector if I'm not careful.
  • I don't venture out much with dining out, but I'm willing to try new things.
  • I believe in love at first sight, or the need for a "spark."
  • I care a lot about what certain people think of me and not at all about what other people think.
  • It BOTHERS me when I make people mad.
  • I hate getting in trouble.
  • I can be extremely stubborn.
  • I don't like washing my clothes until I'm down to my last pair of underwear.
  • I'll rewash clothes because they're wrinkled instead of ironing them.
  • Sometimes I'll put dirty dishes in the dishwasher if I don't want to empty the clean load.
  • I was a teen mom, so I'm "situationally old" for my age of 46.  
  • I'll be a grandmother at 46--my name is gonna be Sassy.
  • I can fall asleep easily but wake up often at night.
  • I am prone to worrying about stuff that hasn't happened. My Wise Neighbors remind me to live in the moment.
  • I have skeletons in my closet.  The kind of skeletons that friends and coworkers make me tell people at parties to see if my story can "top theirs."
  • I love my job but sometimes it consumes me.
  • I keep a clean house but have many junk drawers.
  • There are probably no fewer than forty-six pens in my purse.
  • My daughter said to me one time that there were so many water bottles in my car that I was like the little girl from the movie SIGNS.  
  • My vehicle is messy.  When I clean it out I always resolve to "never let it get like that again," but it happens. Again.  Every. Time.
  • I love Jesus but when I stub my toe, I'm gonna say a bad word.
  • I'd rather build a house or work on a community service project than "go to church" on a Sunday right now in my life and I'm okay with that.
  • I take a little leap to get into bed just in case there really are childhood monsters.  
  • I think flowers are a waste of money, but I have saved the first thing that anyone I've dated has bought me.  (Yes, I have an empty Dr. Pepper bottle stashed away because I'm a hopeless romantic.)
  • I went through a MESSY divorce. I'm better, but I never want to experience pain like that again.
  • I have an arbitrary "goal" to be married by the time I'm 50.
  • I can't dance.  Like I suck at it, and I don't think I will ever learn how.  I'm the friend to take to a club/bar who will "watch the stuff" while everyone hits the dance floor.  I'm your Willard from FOOTLOOSE.
  • I can binge-watch TV shows like nobody else's business.
  • I hate exercising. Hate it.  It's a necessary evil and I thank God that I have a good metabolism.
  • I'm super pale and a firm-believer in sunscreen before fun activities.
  • There are things in my pantry that expired a long time ago.
  • When I go to the grocery store I often buy things I don't need because I forgot to check the supply level at home.  This is why I currently have SEVEN jars of peanut butter.  Needing to make some no-bake cookies?  I'm your girl for free peanut butter.
  • I don't mind cleaning (thanks to the magic of Flylady) but vacuuming stairs totally blows.  It used to be a chore I delegated to my kids when they lived at home.
  • I own FOURTEEN denim jackets and would buy more if I found one I liked. I am NOT Marie Kondoing my denim jackets.  They ALL spark joy.   
  • I roll my eyes.
  • I am blunt.  My kids told me that.
I am probably a million other things that should make you say no and swipe left, but those things that are swipe-rightable?  They are there too.  And its harder for me to tell you those things because?   

That's the thing.  Are we too hard on ourselves?  Are we our own worst critic?  If WE don't love ourselves how can we be prepared to let others love us?

My Wise Neighbors told me the other day that they hope that one day I'll see myself the way others see me.  They had to bring me tissues because what they said hit home.  Maybe I need to look inward and turn this list of "Reasons Not" into "Reasons To."

What do you think?  Are we too hard on ourselves?  Did growing up to be "humble and kind" hurt our insides?  My MIND understands what Wise Neighbors told me, but my HEART doesn't believe them.  Just yet.

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