Monday, March 18, 2019

The Dreaded Friend Zone

Swipe Fatigue.  It's a thing, and I have it.

Swipe, swipe, swipe.

No, no, no.

There just aren't enough "right guys."

Or, I'm picky,

or I have impossibly high standards or something.

Maybe I'm damaged?  Maybe I'm flawed? Maybe I'm too plain?  I don't know.

I've met a few real life people--coffee dates and the like.  Quick meetings where you "get to know each other."

All of these Meet-In-Person guys--heavily vetted--were kind and nice and seemingly perfect.

But they weren't the kind of guys I was going to get all "high school" about.  I didn't fall asleep dreaming about them, nor did they consume my thoughts in the morning.

A few weeks ago, I encountered two really cute couples.  One in their 20s and one in their late 30s. Both, embarrassingly admitted that they met on Tinder.

I guess the site is kinda known for "hookups."

In the same way I tell people all colleges are "party schools" if you make them that way, the same holds true for dating sites.

Since I'm keeping this blog PG, I can't post some of the things I've seen that are eye-bleach worthy or unread some of the "don't freak out if I ask you this" questions.

A few of my accountability girlfriends, when I send them screenshots, routinely say, "This cannot be true."

Alas, I think it is.

Well, I met someone on a site, Tinder in the interest of full-disclosure-honesty.

We haven't talked on the phone, but he was clearly open with his approach.

Friend Zone first.  No exceptions.

He over time explained the why.

It takes away the pressure, things won't end badly if it doesn't work out.  The worst?

You leave with a friend.

So, I've been "friend zoned," and I can tell you its a relief.  I have no idea if this friendship will develop into something more, right now out of sheer exhaustion and swipe fatigue, its a win either way. 

What I'm thankful for is that there are a few male pioneers, some revolutionaries who are bucking the current system, and proposing something new.  Men who have self control and don't ask you icky things.

They are friendly.  They exhibit self-control.

The latest guy?  We'll see if this approach works.

I'm calling him Friend Zone Guy or FZG for short.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Department Store Dating

I love a good department store.  I could live in Dillard's, and I know my way around each department, which entrance to use for where I need to go, and how to maximize my time and effort.  Trying to find a good guy on a dating site feels like shopping in a department store.

There are some guys who clearly belong in Sporting Goods.  They seem nice, but their world revolves around sports, and it seems that they want YOU to be their sporting side kick/high five person.  Don't get me wrong, I love going to sporting events and cheering for my favorite team(s) often, but it doesn't consume me.

There are guys who belong in Electronics.  They may be a bit nerdy but they write the most beautiful prose; however, from perusing their profiles it doesn't seem they get too far from their two-monitor set up or leave Call of Duty, Modern Warfare, or whatever the latest game is at the moment.  I liked a guy like this in the seventh grade.  His name was Todd and he was obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons.  Many a weekend I was left alone.  

There are guys who hang out in the Camping Section and have all the camo, fishing gear, and cast iron you could ever want.  They are BBQ Pitmasters and can cook up a storm.  They come with beer cans and coolers that stay cold for days.

There are men who feel most comfortable in Special Occasion Wear.  They know how to perfect a bowtie for their tuxedo and shiny shoes.  They love the opera, charity galas and could give a sommelier a run for his/her money.

There is the guy who feels most at home in the Denim Section.  Whether he is wearing Levis, Wranglers, or expensive brand jeans, he has many pairs.  Dark wash, light wash, faded, and work jeans.  Boots are optional.  He usually has a few pearl snaps, wants to take you dancing, and knows when to wear a felt hat at the season's change.

Some guys hangout at the Home Store.  They have all the kitchen gadgets and can prepare a gourmet dinner using their grandma's fine china.  They have a wine cellar and serve a glass of white at precisely the correct temperature and aerate a bottle of red before pouring.  

There are shoe guys.  They have all of the latest and their closets are dedicated to them, and these same guys have a knack about what looks good on a woman too.  

There are also the guys who are on the clearance rack.  They lament in their profiles that they've been passed over too often and are about to give up the online scene.

While I know how to shop in all of these sections, I'm still looking for the all-around nice guy area.  The guy who isn't perfect, but can easily walk in and out of each section.  Sometimes he is returning something.  Maybe he used to travel, but he's given that up because he has young kids.

Some guys openly admit they were too focused on their careers in their earlier relationships.  They are no longer shopping in the Suit Section.  They are instead focused on Vacation Wear for their next cruise or Mexican vacation.

Dating definitely feels like a shopping store.  What section will you meet your Happily Ever After?  Are you a bargain hunter trying to find a hidden treasure, or do you prefer to go straight for what you want and hope it looks right with you?